Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
