I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Michael Bay diarrhea
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
