I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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