I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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