Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize