Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
