Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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