I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
