Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
