HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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