this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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