Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you made out with another girl for some wings
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
