your thong is hanging out like whoa
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
