I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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