Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
