Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
