Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
