i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
