i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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