I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize