So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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