Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
