yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
