last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
