That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
