After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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