it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
