How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
