you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize