He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
birth control should be required to get into college
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
