so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
