apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
