sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
