on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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