it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
