Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
