Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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