Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
