Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
