My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
