Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
