Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
