I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
