Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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