one might say we're banned from that church
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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