oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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