I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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