You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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