Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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