Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
