Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
