I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize