I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
