So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
