if you like me you must not know who I am
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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