she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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