OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
