her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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