Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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