apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
no you cant smoke seaweed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
