she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
