Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
