did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
