dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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